Face to face with my loneliness

100

I experienced great emotional deficiencies in my childhood on my mother’s side. She was insecure, angry. This made me never feel confirmed in my identity as a woman and it later led me to have problems with emotional dependence, especially with someone who was my friend.

I’ve been through four years of pain to get by and my experience has been very positive. Learning to love me was a key to getting me out of this addiction. I have had great painful moments and healing is not a pleasure. You often have to go through suffering, a feeling of not being understood. I understood the importance of living this pain to the end and facing my loneliness. So many people flee in many activities, through their spouses, etc. But being single is positive because you are brought to a face-to-face with yourself. The real answer to these emotional shortcomings has been to love me and now I can testify that I no longer have this sick need to seek affection from people of the same sex. I have never been gay, but it could have happened, because what makes a person become a lesbian is that they are trying to meet their needs but it is done sexually. So from time to time I watch cheap live sex shows. I don’t want to invest so much money in these shows of cam girls but I look for affection of women; not men.

Today, I feel free and truly feel like a woman. In my family, I always had to be a good-performing, strong person and I could never just be myself. It developed in me an immense anger that followed me all my life, without me knowing where it came from. Now I know. As I am also a believer, I have a friend who was really close to me in these hard times: his name is Jesus and he helped me through this experience together, I could give him all my too much suffering and it was first thanks to his loving look on me that I was really able to love me.